This has been such a sad week for me. It was as though someone pried my eyelids opened, without my consent, and forced me to look on the horrors of the world. Like a Law and Order SVU episode swirling around me. So weird, I know.
I started the week with a heaviness, a burden in my heart, but still hope in my soul. I received a call that I had gotten my 1st CASA case and I needed to pick up the file.
I put on a Katina saves the world smile and lightly stepped into my CASA supervisor’s office. She told me things and handed me the file. As I left the office, my steps felt heavier. My eyes sadder.
I got home and put my own children to bed thanking God for their safety, their clean clothes, their happiness.
I sat down at the kitchen table and opened the CASA file. I read it. I shut it. I cried. I thought, What am I doing? I can’t do this.
I stood up and felt like I couldn’t even take the steps needed to flop myself into my bed.
The next day brought more disturbing news that hit a little closer to home. And a cloud of sorrow began to follow me around.
I floated through the week, my cloud over me, crying in every stolen private moment.
My Granny’s birthday came, and although she lives in heaven, I couldn’t help but spend the day split. One piece of me going about my day while the other piece lived in the past, in the country, hanging onto my Granny’s every word.
I thought of the prayers she prayed. I was flooded with memories of her kneeling at her own altar, bed, couch, kitchen table…whatever was near when she decided it was necessary to pray. And PRAY she did! Shamelessly. Crying, hands raised, wailing… she meant business.
One person in particular was often the subject of my Granny’s prayers. She had a difficult life and Granny knew that. When this person would come home, Granny would welcome her with open arms. She would love her, talk to her, feed her, but as soon as her wandering feet hit the front porch, Granny’s knees hit the carpet. And she would PRAY! She begged God to save this person, to heal her, to touch her life.
I sat at my kitchen table, on Granny’s birthday, thinking about this person. Thinking about the things she is going through even today. Things aren’t great for her, but let me tell you… she is very much healed in so many ways! She is alive, which in itself is a miracle. And, those prayers my Granny prayed are still working.
This brings me some peace. It lifts my ‘sad cloud’ a little. The prayers that have been prayed for you don’t die even when the person who prayed them does.