Tag Archives: Elf on the Shelf

You Go, Beaux!

I recently googled, “Can I make my elf go away if my kids are bad?” I didn’t find the answers I sought. What I hoped to see,  was an article explaining the value of lessons learned when kids’ mythical creatures discipline them. I found no such information.

Oh well! I don’t need Internet psychologists to tell me how to raise my kids! Bribery, threats, & the occasional shout aren’t beyond the scope of my parenting style. I’m sorry Yahoo Parenting, it doesn’t matter what your ‘experts’ say, when my child goes crazy in Walmart, I can’t calmly watch because it’s ‘normal.’ It’s not normal to lick the buggy or to throw punches while I’m browsing the shower gel aisle. I’m done!

So, after my useless online research, I marched straight into sissy’s room where Beaux the Elf sat. I yelled to him about all the ridiculous behaviors I had observed, while my children looked at me as if I were crazy. Sissy laughed and started telling Beaux to come back anyway. Bubba & Baby Boy didn’t seem to care.

Now, I’m sitting here on the couch fuming! I am truly tired of the wildness! Tomorrow, Beaux will be gone along with the presents! Here is Beaux’s obligatory explanation. (It rhymes of course.)

Your whining, crying, & meaness too, make me oh so mad at you.

 

You took off your diaper and pooped on the floor, is that chocolate or dirt? I don’t know anymore.

 

You’ve literally started climbing the walls. You don’t need three beds, you need three stalls.

 

“Give me, give me, give me… presents,” you say. So I can look at them for a second, then throw them away.

 

You’re driving me crazy so I must declare, LOOK under your tree…POOF,  it’s bare.

So, that’s the plan. Elf goes away & takes the presents with him. I’m just losing my mind! Are everyone else’s kids crazy? Are y’all thinking of running away? Do you buckle them in the car, shut the door, then stand outside taking deep breaths?

I fully intended to be prepared this year. I planned to keep the Christmas consumerism craziness away from my home. I was going to teach them the true meaning of Christmas. I’ve failed, I have failed miserably. Here are some pictures to prove it.

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Climbing the walls
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This child! The jumping, climbing, running…
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I don’t even know? (Oh, I’m hoping, with a onesie snapped over his pants, he can’t take his diaper off!)
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What?
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Unidentified substance
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vaseline bandit
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Crying because she wanted the Pink Playdoh from the goodie bags we made for her FRIENDS!! 😡😡

They are pretty cute though! And, SO much fun! 😊

 

 

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Buh bum… Call Lt. Stabler

Our elf, Beaux, has arrived, and after my snarky little blog post about the Elf on the Shelf calendars, one would assume that I just casually place Beaux around our home. Oh no, I decided to try a whole scene.
My goal: Beaux plays dress up with a few close friends.
Outcome: Psycho ties up girls and steals their clothes.

It seriously looks like the opening scene from a Law and Order SVU.
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I spent about two hours, half a roll of gorilla tape, and numerous floral wire pieces trying to get Beaux to stand in those shoes. I gorilla taped the wire to his body. (He may now be Beaux who always wears a little black dress.) I tried the same thing with Rapunzel, but she just wouldn’t cooperate. (You know Rapunzel, “Don’t touch my hair, Ouch you’re hurting me…”) She just kept falling over. Not to mention ballerina Belle back there, (AKA the ‘smart’ princess) who wouldn’t quit smelling her armpit.
Lesson: Instead of making fun of ideas that are better than any of your own, use those ideas.
Next year I may just print one of those awesome calendars and plan ahead.

Elf on the Shelf

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I keep seeing these scary adorable Elf on the Shelf calendars. My family has an elf named Beaux. (He is quite pretentious, that’s why he needed the x.) I too have made a lovely little Elf on the Shelf calendar. I am sharing this super time saver with my thousands (ok, I may be exaggerating that number) of followers.  Make sure you print this calendar and hang it in a secret location. As always, post pictures! Others will envy your exceptional ability to create an entire life for a fictional little doll. **You can view the calendar below or click here to see the word document. Elf on shelf calendar

 

~ December 2014 ~
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
  1  Elf shows up, probably terrifies youngest. Start savings account for future therapy required to recover. 2 Do something weird with marshmallows. ex: Elf bath 3 Hang clothes-line with kids’ clothes & Elf in the middle. (personal note: tell husband so he doesn’t run into line causing tree to fall like last year) 4 Elf writes kids’ names in flour. (Too bad Elf doesn’t clean up. I need an Elf for my Elf.) 5 Put Elf in Barbie clothes. Or you can buy specially made Elf clothes. That’s right, BUY your Elf clothes. Just what you need to spend money on. 6 It’s getting old… Just throw the Elf in the tree.
7 It is Sunday… Your Elf should be resting not writing on mirrors or hanging from ceiling fans. 8 Ugh it is Monday…Elf literally on Shelf. 9 Elf on Mantle. 10 Elf on TV. 11 Elf on counter. 12 Elf on picture frame. 13 You are feeling guilty…Elf makes a mess with toilet paper. (You think again how Elf needs an Elf.)
14 Seriously, this Elf rests on Sunday. 15 Oh no, other mamas’ elves are doing good deeds. Hmmm… Elf leaves a note, “Kids, be good.” 16 They have probably forgotten the Elf bath thing… do that again. 17 Do something scary with Elf like tie up the kids’ toys. Maybe it will scare them and you will “have to” put Elf away. 18 You know your kids. Nothing scares them. Now they want Elf to be mean…Great. Elf sits in highchair, gets baby food everywhere. 19 You must redeem Elf’s goodness. Sit him on the chair with the Bible turned to the Christmas story. Post a picture on Facebook… good mama. 20 Elf draws mustaches on the kids pictures. Those little stinkers love mischievousness.
21 WooHoo! Elf’s day of rest. 22 Elf wraps presents. (Too bad that useless little thing can’t actually wrap presents.) 23 Elf is so weary…just google your own ideas. 24 Last one: Buy another Elf. Elf needs an Elf friend. Come on, everybody else is doing it. Just think, next year double the Elf fun! 25 Put both Elves away. 26 Start planning for next year. 27
28 29 30 31 Notes: