Category Archives: DIY

I just performed surgery.

sur·ger·y ˈsərj(ə)rē/
noun: surgery; plural noun: surgeries
  1. the treatment of injuries or disorders of the body by incision or manipulation, especially with instruments.

I had just gotten off  the phone with my mama. She called to tell me that Brad Pitt and Jolene, AKA Angelina Jolie, do not let their kids use the internet. The big kids were already in bed. As I wagged baby boy around on my hip, I picked up a few toys and contemplated the Pitt’s parenting practices. I was imagining each of their children sitting in a room playing solitaire while a nearby nanny secretly glanced at her phone. Suddenly, Bubba appeared in the doorway looking very guilty. “Mama, there is a makeup thingie in my nose,” he said.

“What?”

“A makeup spongy is in my nose.”

“That’s crazy, what are you talking about? You put something in your nose?”

“Yes Mam! WahhhhhAhhhhhWahhhhh!”

“Well that’s just great.” (I can no longer control my sarcasm.)

I put down the now screaming baby boy and looked up Bubba’s nose. I couldn’t see anything.

“Are you sure,” I asked.

“Yesssss Maaaaammmm!”

“Grrrrrrr Why?”

“I don’t know; it was soft.”

I put him on the floor (surgical table) and grabbed a nearby lamp. I told him to blow his nose. Nothing came out. I couldn’t see anything. I almost googled Can you let your child go to sleep if they say they stuck something up their nose? But my mama’s voice was playing in my ear, “You know, Brad Pitt and Jolene don’t even let their kids look at the internet. You need to watch that.”

Ugh! Both boys were freaking out. Baby boy because he is apparently opposed to any location other than my hip, and Bubba because he didn’t want to go to the hospital like last year when Sissy said he swallowed metal (a whole other story).  I needed more tools; bulb syringe, tweezers, and a bobby pin.

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I sucked his nose with the bulb syringe and looked again. There it was. The end of an eye shadow applicator. It just wouldn’t come out. I tried the tweezers, but they wouldn’t fit. Bubba screamed. (Good, that little stinker needed to feel a some pain.) I used the bobby pin to push it against one side of his nose and slid it out.

Bubba was so relieved. Of course, I gave him a whole speech about putting things in your nose; he yawned and climbed into bed. I covered him and loved him while baby boy screamed and sister shook her head.

I wonder if any of those Pitt kids have ever put anything in their nose? Probably.

 

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Amazingly Easy Do-it-Yourself Little Boy’s Haircut

Disclaimer: I am not a professional hair stylist!

Step One, EVALUATION: Look at your little boy. Ask yourself, “Could little ______________ (insert child’s name) be on a public service poster for neglected children?” If you answer yes to this question, you should cut his hair.

Step two, SCISSOR CHOICE: Look through your home in the places where your scissors often pop up ; drawers, top of the refrigerator, kids’ art box, your pantry,  microwave… When you have located those illusive tools look carefully at each pair. If they are rusted you may want to look for another pair (unless, of course, you are up to date on all tetanus shots, then feel free to use those rusted ones) . Barbie scissors will only frustrate you as they don’t actually cut. Quilting scissors are scary. Hair stylist’s scissors would be best, but seriously, who has those? Just go with your gut.

Step three, DISTRACTION: Lack of experience often leads to injury so, just to be safe, give the boy something to do. Maybe have him watch T.V. Or something else highly educational.

Step four, SNIP SNIP: Don’t be afraid, go for it. Grab pieces of hair and cut them.

Step five, FINALLY: You are finished! Isn’t it wonderful to save money and make your child look great at the same time! Now, remember to post that picture to social media. All other mamas will go on a mad scissor hunt so they can quickly imitate your sweet baby’s new haircut.

Here is my finished product! He is just wearing the hat because he loves hats! I promise, I absolutely am not trying to hide an awful do-it-yourself haircut.

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