My short lived political career…
It all began with a dream of peace, harmony, and the pursuit of adorable Halloween costumes.
My platform: Star Wars Halloween Costumes For All (Girl-Princess Leia, Boy-Luke Skywalker, Baby Boy-Yoda)
I started with the easiest target, the baby AKA Yoda. When asked if he would help champion my proposal he responded with a giggle which I took to mean, “Of course Mama! I will obey you always and do whatever you think is best!” Or something like that.
Next up, the boy. I believed his recent obsession with Star Wars would ensure his compliance.
Me, using my down home, one of the people voice: “Hey, you wanna be Luke Skywalker?”
Boy: “I wanna be a bat.”
Hmmmmm, tougher than I expected but no need to worry. I can roll with the punches.
Me: “Luke Skywalker is a hero!”
Boy: “Is he the good guy?”
Me, excited he is getting on board: “Yes!”
Boy: “I wanna be a bat.”
Me: “Don’t you wanna be a hero?”
Boy: “Does he bite people and have claws?”
Me, becoming concerned: “No…”
Boy: blank stare.
Me, smiling a sneaky smile: “Do you like those swords that light up on the Lego Movie?”
Boy, excitement returning: “Yes!”
Me: “Well, would you like to be Darth Vader? He has one of those awesome swords and he chops stuff & fights people.” (Keep your judgements to yourself, we all do what we have to do!) I could see by the gleam in his eye that I had indeed won him over.
Boy: “Yes Mam!”
Woo Hoo! I could taste victory!
Now, for the most educated, oldest, and greatest critic….The Girl. Oh the girl! This would take more than your run of the mill persuasion techniques! I needed to employ some serious campaign tricks.
#1. Confusing the constituents with language beyond their understanding.
Me: “You wanna be a princess from a faraway intergalactic land?”
Girl: “I wanna be a pretty white kitty.”
Lying Stretching the truth.
Me: “Well, Princess Leia wears a beautiful dress and is loving and kind to all animals. She really likes kitties!”
Girl: “Let me see what she looks like.”
#3. Use Visuals that depict your agenda in way that is appealing to your voters.
I knew sister was not going to be happy with this. But I could not be deterred. Like a true politician no one could stop me from trying super hard to give people things they didn’t really want in the first place.
Me, showing the Princess Leia picture: “Look sister, isn’t she pretty!”
Girl, hands on hips, face scrunched: “Why does she have two balls on her head?”
And there you have it. Who could blame her? Sister was not gonna be a princess with two balls on her head.
I could’ve shown her the Bikini Leia, but that’s just bad parenting. So I relinquished. I handed them the iPad & let them pick their costumes.
Besides… did we have any less fun at Halloween when we just wore those plastic faces and vinyl dresses?